Inside the Mind of Brett Ratner: The First Day of Shooting Rush Hour 3

I can't believe that executive prick from the studio today. "Why do you think we should make another Rush Hour?" Um, does over $60 mil opening weekend mean anything to you? Shit, that's what I should have said! I could've capped it off with a "BOOYAH!" and high-fived my assistant, Jonathon. Maybe added a "Suck on that!" or something. My actual answer wasn't too bad, really. I mean, there were a lot of unanswered questions left at the end of Rush Hour 2. Like, what would happen if Carter and...shit, what's the asian dude's name? Chong? It's something Japanese-y like that. What if Carter and Chong went to Paris? What kind of crazy, martial arts-fueled, fish-out-of-water cultural hijinks haven't we explored yet?

Oh man! Hold the phones! We should totally reveal that Carter's first name is Jimmy! Have we mentioned what his first name is in the other ones yet? Man, a couple of Jimmy Carter jokes would kill. Especially since Chong wouldn't know who Jimmy Carter is. I can picture it now. "I'm Agent Jimmy Carter, you frog!" "Res! Jrimmy Crarter!"

Chris Tucker is this generation's Abbott and Costello. Only combined. And way funnier. And black.

OH! And we could have a new sexy, French femme fatale ask "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" only all in French-talk! Have to use subtitles, though. I should really talk to the guy who's writing the script about these ideas...actually, I should probably hire someone to write a script first. Right now all I got is a piece of paper that says "The black guy and the asian guy go somewhere else, maybe France so we can make a bunch of French jokes. French jokes rock. Or the moon, maybe. They could discover a criminal syndicate run by aliens."

Hmmm...maybe I could work in a Charlie Sheen cameo. Hey, a guy can dream, right?

Man, that guy who plays Chong is getting old. I wonder if he can still do all of those karate chops he usually does. I can never really understand what he's saying either. Maybe I could replace him with Jet Li...would anyone really notice? I like the name Jet, that should be Chong's first name. NO. WAIT! We'll name him Cheech! Holy shit...that is fucking brilliant. Oh man, the comic potential of this movie just shot up a thousand percent. I wonder if Chris Tucker is comfortable with making weed jokes...

Maybe we could replace him with Eddie Murphy. Or Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. America loves fat jokes. And he could complain about how the only food in France is snails! Wait...French fries are french too. Crap. Scratch that idea.

Shit, I hope that set designer can make Vancouver look like Paris. I should remind her that there should be berets and French fries all over the streets. Authenticity! Everyone should also say "Le" instead of "The" too. We should probably have that big tower-thing in there too. The Leaning Tower of Paris? That's where the big finale could take place! Or maybe a French McDonald's...that'd get us some nice product placement money. Oh! And we could have a gag where Jimmy Carter asks for French fries and the counter guy says "Here we just call them 'fries.'" and Carter yells "French fries and a Big Mac, you frog!" and the guy says "You mean fries and le Big Mac!" and then Chong could karate chop the guy and ask him "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my FIST?!"

Man, this is all gold! I should probably save a few of these nuggets for Rush Hour 4, where they go somewhere else. Oh! I got it! Vancouver! That would be super cheap and we could make a bunch of Canada jokes. Canada jokes rock.

I'm awesome.