11:04 P.M. - Pulled over a Blue Chevy Nova that was driving erratically. Suspected the driver was intoxicated. As I approached the car, noticed that it was filled to the driver's chin with a dark red liquid. Very odd. The driver was barely keeping his head above the liquid. He rolled down the window, causing some of the liquid to pour out of the car. It was very clearly a red 
wine filling the car. Merlot, said the driver, who was, in fact, intoxicated. This was simply the most blatant and egregious drunk driving I had ever seen. Breathalyzer showed he had a .45 blood-alcohol level. It was incredible that he was still alive, conscious, and able to drive the car. Arrested the driver for reckless endangerment and DUI.
11:42 P.M. - Pulled over a light red Buick Century with a busted turn signal. Something strange - this car was filled with a clear liquid to the driver's eye level. I hoped it was water, as if that would make any more sense than what I feared it would be. I tapped on the window, and the driver calmly rolled down the window, causing a large amount of vodka (along with about 50 olives) to flow out of the car and onto the road. The stench was overpowering. I couldn't believe he had brought olives with the car-full of vodka. That had to be expensive - a car filled with vodka, that is. The driver, soaked head-to-toe in hard alcohol, looked at me and with a totally straight face - I swear to God - 
asks "What seems to be the problem, officer?" Seriously. I asked him if he had been drinking at all that evening, to which he replied "No, sir. Just driving home." He honestly said that, while he was still sitting in a pool of gallons upon gallons of vodka - with olives floating around him!
He passed the Breathalyzer test with a .00. He hadn't had a drop. I was going to try to give him a ticket for driving with an open container of alcohol, but - as he noted - none of it was in a container. Still, it seemed like there had to be something illegal about this. I let him off with a warning and told him to drive safely.
12:21 A.M. - Pulled over a white Ford truck that had made an illegal U-turn. As I approached the car - little to my surprise - I saw that it was filled up to the driver's neck with beer. At this point, I had to assume something was going on. Maybe one of the boys down at the station was trying to pull the craziest prank ever on me or something. I asked the driver to roll down his window, which he did. His wallet and registration were floating at the top of the pool of beer in his car, and flowed onto the street. I picked them up, examined them, and asked the driver what the hell was going on. He gave me a puzzled look and asked "Whatever do you mean, officer?" I know drunk driving has been a growing problem lately, but this is just ridiculous. I was going to have him get out of the car to test his balance, but my last pair of pants were already soaked in alcohol, which was going to be hard as hell to explain to the sarge once I got back to the station, and I didn't want to ruin this fresh pair I had just put on (if the guy got out of the car, the beer was going to get on me no matter whaat). I ended up chucking his license into a ditch and telling him to get the hell away from me. This city's going to hell, I tell ya.
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