Warning! Zombism - Contagious!

Sure, there was a zombie outbreak a few years back. I hardly even think about it these days.

It's kinda like...SARS, I guess. Remember SARS? Everyone was like "Oh no! SARS! It's the black plague, part two! Save the children!" And then, like, five people total died from it. And they were like, "Oh yeah, SARS has a 98% chance survival rate." Which is, actually, better than the flu I think. So SARS ended up being pretty much nothing? Zombies are sorta like that. Only...really, even less of an actual threat.

I was like you. I'd seen all the movies where a zombie outbreak would occur and in a few days there were crowds of zombies everywhere, gnawing on the flesh of passersby and causing mass destruction amongst the panic. That...is a slightly extreme exaggeration of what ended up actually happening. I mean, did anyone who made those movies even think about what they were showing us? I wonder if George Romero ever thought, "This seems pretty reasonable."

Here's the problem with the whole notion of a real "zombie outbreak": zombies are slow. Really slow. Imagine if when someone sneezed, the flu virus became a 5'7" dead dude who moaned a lot, had virtually no motor reflexes, and slowly hobbled towards you. How many people do you think would catch the flu? I bet a hell of a lot less people than do as things are today. Even if you were sleeping and the zombie had plenty of time to get to you and bite you (hence turning you itno a zombie as well), the zombie would make a ton of noise doing so and almost undoubtedly wake you up in the process and give you ample time to get the hell away.

Not only that, but zombies are surprisingly unadept at opening doors. Meaning if there is a door (locked or unlocked, doesn't matter) between you and the walking dead, you two will probably stay separated. Essentially, you are more vulnerable to velociraptor attacks than zombie attacks. At least velociraptors can open doors, right?

Not that much more kindling needs to added to this bonfire of apathy towards zombism, but once infected, there is an incubation period that lasts usually at least a few hours. So even if you get bitten in the middle of a crowded area, you're not gonna spread it like it was ebola or anything. You'll either realize what's happening and "finish yourself off," or you'll just feel really worn down and go take a rest in bed or something. And you'll probably close the door behind you. And then you'll starve to death in there.

Viruses are small, can travel through the air, and are not nearly as avoidable as zombies. I guess I just never got what all the fuss was about.