Okay, so there's this show about people who crashed on an island and they deal with wacky natives and keep trying to get off the island but they're never quite able to. The characters all have very unique personalities, histories, and outlooks on life. One day they get rescued and return to the mainland, where they find they are all deeply regretting what transpired and do not feel as though returning has done them much good. Eventually, they return to the island. Also, the Harlem Globetrotters end up on the island and have a wacky adventure with the castaways.
This is Gilligan's Island, although, if you'll notice, the series-spanning plotline is almost identical to that of Lost, with the exception of the Harlem Globetrotters (it should be noted that the series has yet to end and the Harlem Globetrotters could easily be revealed to be the people behind the Smoker Monster). Why is this? Is it because shows about islands are very limited in what can really happen, or are Damon Lindelof and J.J. Abrams just that lazy?
This all could have been avoided. Initially, a man named Jeffrey Lieber wrote the original draft of the show that would become Lost. You'll notice his name when the "Created by..." credits come up every episode, but you'll never see his name behind a writing credit. Strange? Maybe. Why was Jeffrey Lieber left out of the series after his initial contribution? Perhaps we can shed some light on this issue. Here are some excerpts from what could have been... Jeffrey Lieber's original pilot script.
"THAT ISLAND SHOW"
PILOT SCRIPT
by
JEFFREY LIEBER
EXT. SOME TROPICAL ISLAND - DAY
A man wakes up on a tropical beach. His clothes are ragged, torn, and bloody. His face is scratched up. His business suit is disheveled. This is REUBEN MACHIAVELLI. He gets up reluctantly; he is bruised and hurt. Probably because his plane just crashed. The shot pans past REUBEN to reveal a bunch of people are on the beach, beaten and bloody, and surrounded by plane wreckage.
REUBEN
We're all crashed on a scary island.
REUBEN is approached by another survivor, SOCRATES PLATO. He is a rap-artist from the ghetto of some sorts. He is wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. He is very athletic but not very tall but he may be wise despite what you might think from his demeanor.
SOCRATES
Yo cracka. Why you say that, foo? We might just be in Hawaii or some goddamn shit like that.
REUBEN
No way. We are definitely on a scary island because our plane crashed in a mysterious manner and we should all have died but we are alive and that is definitely strange.
The two are approached by a sexy brunette lady, MONTANA PASCAL. She is adventurous and wears a tank top and some shorts. She is bleeding badly from her stomach.
MONTANA
Are you two gonna argue about this island all day or is someone gonna save my life?
SOCRATES looks off into the distance wistfully. He is being reminded of a painful memory from his past and he is struggling with it before he snaps out of it.
SOCRATES
Yo! That shit is whack yo. I can help you, bitch. Does anyone got some needles or a band-aid or some shit like that yo?
Bumbling up to SOCRATES is a pudgy, jovial teenager with a first aid kit he just found. His name is FRANKIE HEIDEGGER. He is wearing a nerd t-shirt that says "I LIKE VIDEO GAMES" and he is wearing sweat pants that are all torn up because he was just in a plane crash.
FRANKIE
Here you go, radical dude! I just found this in the plane wreckage.
REUBEN
Socrates, you save this woman's life and I will round up the rest of the survivors and we will form a society and look for rescue immediately.
SOCRATES
Shut up, foo!
REUBEN leaves with FRANKIE. SOCRATES begins bandaging up MONTANA's wound.
MONTANA
So, you some kinda doctor or something?
SOCRATES
Shit no. I'm from the streets.
MONTANA
You and I are very different people but I feel a connection.
SOCRATES
Yeah, we both was just in a plane crash, bitch!
EXT. SOME TROPICAL ISLAND - NIGHT
The survivors are all standing around REUBEN. SOCRATES looks impatient. There are fires in the backround that have been built by the production crew.
REUBEN
Everyone! I do not think rescue is coming any time soon. If we were going to be rescued they probably would have called me on my cell phone by now but they haven't. I think we should lead an exploration into the jungle to see if we can find a spare plane or helicopter or food.
SOCRATES
What?! Hell naw! We should build some more fires so that we can get our asses rescued! I don't want to live on no island!
FRANKIE
I'm torn between two options, dudes.
REUBEN
If you come with me you'll get rescued.
FRANKIE
Cowabunga!
FRANKIE goes over to REUBEN.
MONTANA
I just want to get rescued so you guys go and I'll wait here.
A young blonde woman steps forward. She is OLGA KAFKA. She has short blonde hair and is skinny. She is wearing a bikini and wears large sunglasses even though it is night. She has recently put on makeup and lipstick and is holding a chihuahua.
OLGA
Like, we should get rescued. I'm going with the hot guy.
FRANKIE
Me? No way! Awesome!
OLGA
No, you're nerdy and weird. I'm talking about Reuben.
FRANKIE
Um, girls are gross and have cooties anyways and I don't love you or anything.
REUBEN
Okay, then Frankie and Olga and I will go look for stuff in the jungle and you will all stay here and wait for something to happen and I hope we can get away from this scary island soon.
REUBEN stares off into the distance. He is remembering something painful or relevant from his past. A whooshing sound is heard.
INT. SOME HOUSE - DAY
Reuben is sitting in a big chair next to his dad, who is in another big chair. This is pre-plane crash. Reuben's dad is old looking and has a mustache. Reuben is wearing a nice shirt and tie.
REUBEN
Hey dad I love you.
REUBEN'S DAD
I'm trying to watch the TV. Go away.
REUBEN
I'm an alcoholic I think give me another drink please.
REUBEN'S DAD
I'm going to go to the bar because I can't stand you.
REUBEN
But dad I love you.
REUBEN'S DAD
You are not my son.
REUBEN
But you're my dad, that doesn't make sense.
REUBEN'S DAD
No, your mother had an affair and you are another man's child. Not mine.
REUBEN
No! That cannot be true, because I love you and you are my dad.
REUBEN'S DAD
I'm sorry this hurts you but that is the truth and you will just have to deal with it.
REUBEN
This will haunt me forever. I'm going to get on a plane and get far away.
REUBEN'S DAD
I hope that plane crashes 'cuz then I won't have to deal with you anymore.
REUBEN
You have never understood me and our relationship has always had highs and lows and we have a checkered past full of dramatic occurences.
REUBEN'S DAD
Yes I know that, Reuben.
REUBEN
You know what I'm talking about specifically.
REUBEN'S DAD
Yes I do. I know the exact event. The event that lead to our initial falling out.
REUBEN
Yes, that event. That event has scarred me for life and will never stop scarring me for life.
REUBEN'S DAD
I am sorry that event happened. Please don't get into a plane crash.
REUBEN
Like you care, fatso.
REUBEN gets up and leaves and gives his dad the finger.
EXT. SOME TROPICAL ISLAND - NIGHT
We return to where REUBEN left off.
SOCRATES
While you crackas go and do that shit, I'm gonna get us rescued fo' real!
REUBEN
Whatever. Time to go into the jungle.
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