Ugly Betty? Really? That's what you've chosen to name your show, ABC? Now, I'm not sure exactly who told you what audiences across the nation like to see, but it sure as hell ain't that!
I'm your most important audience member, ABC. I'm the 18-to-49-year-old college student who buys fast food and sees crappy movies every weekend. And do you know what I want? No, not ugly people. I want hot people. And cool cars. If you name a show Ugly Betty, do you know who you're going to get to watch? Not me. Maybe a few other ugly people who want to feel accepted, but you ain't getting me to watch. It might be a great show, but I'll never know, 'cause I'll never watch. You might as well title the show Clowns Rape Mr. Rogers' Corpse While Gilbert Gottfried Scratches His Nails Across A Chalkboard. Actually, a show by that title might actually pique some interest out of pure curiosity. But ugly people? I see those every day. If I wanted to see an ugly person, I'd look in the mirror. And there I wouldn't have to sit through commercials.
You want me to watch your show? Call it Hot Betty Who Drives A Sweet Maserati and Wears Skimpy Outfits and Hangs Around In Her Underwear a Lot and Who Is Intelligent, But Not In a Threatening Way, and She's Kinda Funny, Too, and She's an Awesome Cook. Then I might consider watching your friggin' show. You might also wanna change According to Jim to According to Boobies.
These are just my suggestions, but let me also suggest that you heed them with impunity, ABC. You need me just as much as I need you.
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