Let's face it: in most Hollywood movie love-triangles, someone has to be the loser who walks away with nothing and no one, with the exception of the lower-quality "erotica" films, in which everyone is ultimately the loser, to varying degrees. Even in The Breakfast Club, where there was virtually no hint of any love triangle, everyone hooks up but the nerd. And then they make him write their paper while they make out and canoodle and defy convention and break the stereotypes laid upon them by their cliques! Wouldn't it suck to be the continual loser of love? The one who never got the girl? Yes, like you, good reader. Actually, exactly like you. Not even sure why I asked the question.
Oh yeah, that's right. James Marsden.
Poor, poor James Marsden.
You probably know him as Cyclops, aka the Optic Blast Guy Who Never Really Got To Use His Optic Blasts. He was the tool that kept apart the eternal, half-assedly developed love of Jean Grey and Wolverine. I mean, basically he was a decent guy who worked hard, was responsible, and treated everyone with respect, but he wasn't a renegade badass with claws, so he was automatically doomed to be the loser of that love triangle. Although there was no clear "winner" by the end of the series, being turned into dust by your fiance for no reason is a pretty good sign of being the loser. Also, having audiences hate you and root for the guy with the goofy hair to make out with your fiance must suck.
A movie not a whole lot of people have seen followed, Heights. He gets dumped by his fiance in Heights. But that one's sorta his fault too, so we'll move on.
Let's not forget Superman Returns, as much as we wish we could. In the exciting movie of Superman lifting heavy things and creepily stalking his ex-girlfriend and watching stock footage of Marlon Brando in his laziest performance, James Marsden played the "obviously he is not going to be the winner of this love triangle" role of Lois Lane's replacement boytoy while Superman went flying into space for no reason. I mean, the thing is a Superman movie. He's dating Lois Lane...in a Superman movie. He was done from the getgo. He's even raising Superman's kid! And that kid has the power to throw pianos real fast, which must be troublesome. So basically he's another good guy who has no shot because the deadbeat dad who abandoned his family to search for space rocks wears a cape. Poor, poor James Marsden.
Then comes the crown jewel of James Marsden getting screwed over...everyone's favorite Alzheimer's-related romantic dramedy - The Notebook! James Marsden plays Lon, a lovable rich guy who is rich and has no beard and is not Ryan Gosling hence undeserving of love or even mild consideration. He's never mean, never does anything remotely asshole-ish, other than not being Ryan Gosling. And Rachel McAdams dumps him with no regard to go rain-makin'-out with a guy who looks like a hobo. Luckily, karma helped poor Lon out by giving Rachel McAdams a horrible neurological disease and by turning her hobo-hubby into an elderly James Garner. Ha! Eat that, McAdams.
Many of you may have seen the recently released Enchanted, starring McDreamy and that Junebug chick who was totally married to Ryan from The O.C. except he had a mustache. Know who else it starred? Ah, yes...James Marsden. He was doomed from the outset on this one. Just look at the poster. Amy Adams front and center, flanked by two potential suitors. One is television's McDreamy, whom women everywhere love for some reason, and the other is James Marsden, looking quite foppish. Doesn't take a genius to figure out who is walking away empty-handed this time. Our poor Mr. Marsden plays a purposely one-dimensional character whose sole purpose in life is to be the love of Amy Adams. Then she dumps him for McDreamy. Ouch. Big-time ouch.
Overall, it must really suck to be James Marsden. NOTE: In real life he has a wife and a few kids I think, none of whom have left him for other men...yet.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment