The Greatest Laser-Based Diet For Elimination of Unwanted Obesity

Hello, porpoise-like American reader! If you were to lift your many flaps of flab, would you find several discarded burritos which you would then eat and devour like the swarthy swine that you know yourself to be? If you answered, "But of course! I am devouring them as I type with my feet, as my hands are occupied in stuffing the feed into my feed-hole and retrieving excess beans as they spill from the doomed burrito I currently am gorging upon!" then you may need to go on a diet!

And This Site is just the place to teach to the newest, trendiest, most consistently fatal diet on the market today!

Are we referring to Atkins? South Beach? TRADITIONAL EXCERCISE?! I have only two letters to describe the sentiment which is pulsing through my veins right now.

NO.

All of those diets are tiresome and legubrious compared to the stalwart efficiency of the new diet which we shall unleash before your eyes like a blinding light of pure malevolence. Once this diet has taken hold of your spirit, the extraneous heft that rests within you will be sucked away as though it were light trying to escape a black hole. But nothing can escape the overpowering gravity of that superdense theoretical space structure just as nothing can escape this new and wholly unorthodox diet!

You! You gargantuan harlequin! Come hither and wipe the salsa off of the computer screen so that you may continue reading and eliminate your unwanted obesity-cells and become a respectable oil driller/business fellow/delightful nancy-boy for American democracy and freedom alike! You can lose those troublesome kilograms as though they were pocket change that you have lost in your couch, only the kilograms will not be lost in the couch, they will be eliminated from existence altogether so that they may never return to sully your newly-wholesome image!

How? LASERS. Not by "using" them however, oh no! That would be preposterous and not nearly as eye-poppingly expensive as this diet yearns to be! Three point five seven (3.57) times a decaweek (10 day period), you will be sent a baker's dozen (13) of powerful LASERS which you will ingest in place of your usual trough-feed. These LASERS contain no vitamins, no minerals, no nutrients of any kind! NAY! They only contain LASERS!

These LASERS will zap away at your loathed kilos until they run from existence like petulant schoolgirls being chased by a monstrous and hungry Chimera! Bah! Away with those kilos, you need them not! After five point three repeating (5.333...) decaweeks (10 day periods) of eating a baker's dozen (13) of unearthly LASERS (LASERS!), it is our solemn promise and guarantee that you will have lost at least three hundred (300) kilograms of weight and four (4) major organs (appendix not included). Your feeble, overstuffed body will be torn to shreds, for the LASERS know no mercy and cannot differentiate between lard cells and muscle cells. This is truly an egalitarian diet - a diet of the people, for the people, by the LASERS!

ORDER (BUY IT) TODAY!