Sports Team Battle League

Today, I awoke to the screaming and cheering of my roommates, who enjoy particular sports, and within that, particular sports teams (or squadrons/gangs/groups/herds/etc.). Why the chaotic jubilation? Their particular sports team was doing very well in some sort of league-sponsored tournament. It was the sports team, "The Bears," battling their opposing sports team, "The Saints." Now, I have absolutely no idea as to what specific sport the two teams were engaging in, but it involved a ball and running, two things which scream accident waiting to happen to the likes of I.

I found myself almost instantly bored (I say "almost," because there was a commercial for health insurance that had me particularly captivated towards the beginning of my viewing session). These "bears" look nothing like the bears I've read of in novels and seen in hit films such as The Edge! And it is hardly "saintly" behavior to attack and bludgeon your fellow man, solely due to your pursuit for an oddly-shaped ball! That's when it hit me: this particular sport was in dire need of some revamping. Nay! All sports! And I alone held the key to the solution to the answer.

Wouldn't it be far more interesting to see a gaggle of bears battling with an assortment of saints? All of the sports members involved in this game were virtually indistinguishable from one another! All had similar gear and helmets and the like (and were all clearly of human origin). But in a match between actual bears and real-life saints, the battle lines would be clear to all. Plus, it would be life and death circumstances, making the suspense thick and the audience enraptured in the proceedings. I have looked up several team names, and here is whom I think would be the top five competitors in my new ultimate sport: Sports Team Battle League! (or STBL for short)

1. The Angels
Analysis: With the power and grace of God (and/or Jesus Christ/Mohammed/Buddha/Zeus/etc.) on their side, this team would be virtually unstoppable.
2. The Rockets
Analysis: Pure and simple weapon. Made to explode and create as many casualties as possible.
3. The Wizards
Analysis: Magic is a powerful and potent force, but there are not enough wizards in the world to pose a viable threat to the world's supply of rockets.
4. The Senators
Analysis: The power of the government lies with this team, and could theoretically have games won before they even begin by passing key legislations.
5. The Avalanche
Analysis: Avalanches are really strong. And nearly unstoppable. Let's see you stand up to an avalance, hoss.

Honorable Mention - The Heat
Analysis: Heat? This is a difficult team to categorize. It is simply the natural occurence of heat, which could bring thirst to it's opponents, but it not a physical being in itself, so would probably be disqualified.

So support your local chapter of the Sports Team Battle League! Be sure to check back for more sports-related updates here at This Site!

A tiger in outer space vs. a burning ball of nuclear fission. Odds are on the Suns, but I'm sensing an upset!